From the moment I was pregnant with my first baby to this current moment, many people, mostly older women, have looked at me and said in sappy-sweet voices, "Oh, enjoy EVERY moment of your children when they're little. It goes SO fast." I usually nod and say something trite like, "I'm trying to!" or "That's what they say!" with a smile. But now, well, I have something to say about that.
Dude, parenting is tough sometimes. Today, my adorable, beautiful, charming, sweet, lovely daughter threw a tantrum because she's just plain overtired. A weekend trip to the grandparents has resulted in a minor sleep setback, and she's on edge. So, when she screamed at me for gently suggesting she try to go potty before nap and then bit me when I closed the book on my lap, I wasn't exactly surprised, but I wasn't all too happy, either.
I should add, before I go on, that our new-ish baby has been waking me up to eat 3-4 times a night, and the toddler woke up screaming at 2:30 AM and I wasn't able to get back to sleep between the two of them, so I'm not exactly functioning well today.
So, I told her as calmly as I could that she's not allowed to bite, even if she's very mad, and that she could stay in her room or the bathroom until she could stop being a maniac. (Yes, I said "maniac".) Then I counted my already-bruised bite marks and tended to the scared, crying baby.
My question is, should I have enjoyed that moment? Well, call Child Protective Services because I DID NOT. I didn't enjoy about 15 whole minutes of that exchange. I didn't enjoy the feeling of her sweet, sharp teeth on my tired arm, or the sound of her shrill, whining screeches of protest in my tired ears.
And, truth be told, parenting has been chock full of moments like that. Moments where someone hasn't had enough sleep, someone's hungry, someone isn't being given the time or attention they need and gets upset. Sometimes it's the kids, sometimes it's the parents. But I'm just saying, these moments aren't hard to come by in this house. Talking honestly to other parents with kids around this age, they are not uncommon in ANY household.
So, to you, stranger in the parking lot/grocery store/library, I say, "Please don't tell me to enjoy EVERY moment." Instead, I'll try very, very hard to separate the good moments from the bad, the sweet moments from the annoying, and the hugging moments from the biting ones. I'll pledge to not let myself get so down on myself or my kids during these moments that it ruins entire days or even whole hours. I will acknowledge the times that my kids are being amazing and when I'm having a tough time. And, I'll enjoy parenting as an entire experience and love my kids even when they're doing something that makes me want to rip up a phone book with my bare hands.
But I will not enjoy EVERY moment. And heads up to you, woman holding her sweetly-scented newborn. That little peanut will bring you more joy and love and happiness than you ever dreamed possible. But, to be blunt, he or she will be a little bit of a nightmare sometimes. Please don't feel guilty for not enjoying EVERY moment. Remember that the people who tell you to do so usually have decades of time separating them from the nitty-gritty parts of parenting small kids: the sleepless nights, the biting, the whining, the food-throwing, the meltdowns. If they could remember this, they wouldn't say something as positively stupid as "enjoy every moment."
I forgive them, though. I bet in about 30 years, I'll say the same, stupid thing to some new mom. I hope she tells me to go to hell.
