Yes, after a short hiatus from writing solely about The Baby, I'm going to write about her. This Saturday marked the beginning of what I'm calling "Any Day Now". Sophie is officially 37 weeks, which is what the medical community considers a full-term baby. My doctor said that after 36 weeks, they won't stop labor if it happens, but 37 weeks is the mark at which they also won't worry too much about the baby's breathing, and everything will probably be just fine without any medical dramatics.
So, we've passed that crucial point. I've been having some aches and pains that let me know that the baby might be here relatively soon. Chris is on high alert. He said that every time I text or call him during the day, he thinks I've gone into labor. Walking is somewhat painful a lot of the time, my pelvis feels like it's being slowly stretched apart, and my feet look like Barney Rubble's. Niiiiiice and puffy.
But those aren't the symptoms I'm paying the most attention to. No, the thing that I can't get off my mind is that I'm just ready to have this baby. Be it by c-section, by induction, by natural birth, I don't care. This pregnancy has gone past the point of cute or interesting, and is bordering on being a little disgusting. No belly skin should have to stretch this far. Twenty minutes of gentle yoga should not exhaust me. Sitting on the couch in a slightly awkward position should not warrant the application of Icy Hot to my lower back. It's been 37 weeks and 3 days. That's enough, I think.
I still love to feel her rolling around in there, still love the fact that she's coming, and still stand in her room, imagining her lying in the crib, or rocking her in the rocking chair, or reading little books to her, or putting her in all those adorable clothes we've been given. But now, the waiting has become irritating, like a sneeze that's been building up for 9 1/2 months but won't come out. People say, "Oh, are you so excited?" And I think, "Excited isn't the right word. I'm just ready." I've started trying to bribe her from the outside. I tell her things like, "Hey, if you come out now, I'll put you in this really cute elephant onesie and we'll listen to this Goldilocks and the 3 Bears record I bought you. It will be really fun..."
Part of this, I'm sure, is that I'm a little anxious about giving birth. From what I've heard, this is normal as I will be passing a small person out of my body and into the world. I think I have mentioned before how lucky I feel to be going through all of this in one of the most medically-advanced countries in the developed world, and I know that if I get too tired to go on during labor, or things aren't going well, there will be options to deliver the baby with little pain or danger to either of us. But it's the uncertainty. When is it going to happen? What will it feel like? Will she have my hair, or Chris's nose? And what if they give me a c-section and they end up cutting the baby, they way they cut fruit when they open a box with a box cutter? I'm just saying. These are the things running through my mind.
And so, in these last few weeks, if I seem distracted, please forgive me. I'm probably paying only half the attention I ought to be at any given moment...except when driving. I'm crazy-attentive while driving.
Hope you're well!
xo
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